Preseason Edition
Power Rankings
Legally binding rankings that cannot possibly age poorly.
1
Stephen
Chase's Brown Penix
Unfortunately, the combine champion also appears to know ball.
2
Donald
Team Donald
Skipped the combine and may still have drafted a monster.
3
David
4th & 9ers
Built to collect wins immediately.
4
Carl
Talk Purdy To Me
Lamar + Jeanty + CMC gives terrifying weekly upside.
5
Levi
Team Levi
Maye and Daniels could become obnoxious for years.
6
Brad
Obi-Jan Kenobi
Loaded at the skill positions. QB room decides the ceiling.
7
Jason
Team Jason
Amon-Ra and CeeDee can cover up a lot.
8
Chris
Team Chris
Could be elite eventually. Please allow three to five business years.
9
George
Team George
Young, explosive and prepared for a QB shortage.
10
Jesse
Team Jesse
Very dangerous right now. Do not ask for ages.
11
Kyle
Team Kyle
Chase and Herbert are elite. The rest gets adventurous.
12
Guy
Team Guy
Someone had to be 12th. Congratulations.
Weekly rankings begin after Week 1.
Every bad take will remain archived for future evidence.
Every bad take will remain archived for future evidence.